Thanks to TV columnist Lisa Morales, we have a first look at Episode 1 of “Real Housewives of D.C.” and it looks (much to our dismay) like the Salahi Show. Yet and still, the juice of the episode is at the bottom in big letters because it kind of…well…just scroll down and see for yourself:
“There are social climbers everywhere,” one of the women of “The Real Housewives of D.C.” says as the show opens with Federal City establishing shots, then quickly pans to new Washington monuments: Michaele and Tareq Salahi. “When you first look at me, you think, ‘Gosh, she has no substance!’ But after you talk to me for a while, you see I have a heart of gold. There is a whole lot of substance here,” Michaele says, smiling at the camera.
Michaele brims with a phoniness that supersedes merely phony. She’s so phony she’s authentic. Michaele may be the most authentically phony person in the history of the “Real Housewives” franchise.
“The new D.C. is colorful fashion, beautiful clothes,” she says as she oohs and aahs over clothes that are splashed across a bed. “You know who this is reminiscent of?” she asks her bevy of assistants as she picks up a white chiffon dress edged in black. “Coco Chanel. She always had — as you saw in ‘Pretty Woman’ — the girls were always with pearls and the big hats.”
“I was the average, normal girl. I did modeling, met Tareq — he exposed me to a whole different world. I went to Paris for the night for dinner. He just wowed me,” Michaele gushes.
“Wow!” she demonstrates, as she unwraps a diamond cuff bracelet Tareq has procured for her.
“It’s decorated with eight carats of diamonds throughout,” Tareq details, like she’s a customer and he’s trying to sell her a car.
“I was like, ‘Wow — is this too good to be true?’ ” Michaele faux-wonders, which may be the most honest thing she’ll say the entire episode.
And there’s more!
“It’s the kickoff to a season of galas, balls, cocktails and networking,” enthuses Tareq. “They are the power players, the who’s who in terms of every segment you can imagine!”
Housewife Lynda feels otherwise: “I just have no desire to go back, or ever be associated with that little goat rodeo,” she says of the Salahis‘ polo match. …
Mary, turns out, is one of those chicks who says “girlfriend” to black women and dons a faux British accent when speaking to Cat — you know the type. She notes that Stacie, who is African American, and African American hairstylist to the celebrities Ted Gibson, who is sitting next to Stacie, are going to be good friends and that “salons need to integrate” because “we have different hair, different needs, but why do we have to be in different salons? There is a wave to ride with our new administration, with the beautiful couple we have leading our country.” //Editor’s Note: Are you kidding me?!//
Yes, our Mary‘s gotten a little fractured at her B-day party.
Who’s this? Janet Jackson‘s personal chef, Chao! He’s come to Stacie‘s house to cook dinner/give a cooking class for Stacie and a select few of her friends because I don’t know why, except this is reality television.
At that dinner/cooking class, Cat will make many enemies when she declares Tyra — yes, that Tyra — to be “hideous” and calls George W. Bush a “perfect gentleman,” while dissing President Obama for not having RSVP’d to her wedding invitation.
Mary‘s husband, meanwhile, has been chosen one of D.C.’s style setters by Washingtonian magazine because the publisher is “one of my best friends and she’s really hooking me up,” Mary explains as she winks at the camera.